2young2retireUK

Julie Andrews and a revised version of 'My Favourite Things'

One of the first films I ever saw at the cinema (and still one of my favourites to this day) is The Sound of Music.  Many thanks to Nicola Cairncross and the Gratitude Rocks! group on Facebook for the following:

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan‘s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was ‘My Favorite Things‘ from the legendary movie ‘Sound Of Music‘.  Here are the lyrics she used:

(Sing It!) - If you sing it, its especially good!!!

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin' ,

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin' ,

And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I've had,

And then I don't feel so bad.

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.)

Before and after...

Start your day with a smile by looking at these great 'young me' and 'now me' photos - it took me until almost halfway down the first page to realise what was going on - that they were recreating their old photos now that they're all grown up.  I love the fourth set where the guy uses the same chair and stool that appeared in his baby photo! 

I've started you off at page two because some joker submitted the same 'before' photo six times on the first page, but if you have time, just turn back to page one and scroll down to the bottom to catch the three brothers with the tartan trousers - classic!

Jim and Peggy - A story of selfless devotion

My thanks go to Dieter Zwicky, one of my Too Young To Retire Europe colleagues, for providing this heart-warming story:

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim.  Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peggy.  When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. 

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.  I don't yell at her.  Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.  I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.  I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.  For example, Peggy will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.  But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.  I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.  That way she won't have to rush so much.  I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean!).  I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.  She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.  I try not to make a scene.  I'm a fair man.  I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.  And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy.  I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy...  Many men will find it difficult.  Some will find it impossible!  Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.  However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article,  I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,  Jim

EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum.  The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely five inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.  His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder.  The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her not guilty, accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club very quickly.

Humour: The Seamstress

This came from Philip Humbert's newsletter this week.  Philip, in turn, credits his friend, Dolly Howard, for passing it on to him:

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress .

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Signed,
All Us Women

Dr Humbert is a Success Strategist, author and popular speaker. Imagine what's possible! To inquire about having him speak to your group or organization, or to schedule an initial consultation, contact him at: Coach@philiphumbert.com

Letter to a bank manager

Apparently, a 78 year old British woman wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it was amusing enough to have it published in The Times.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.  Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.  Please find attached an Application Contact Status which require your chosen employee to complete.  I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/ her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.  As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

11 Summer BBQ Rules

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

Then, more routine:
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

Then, more routine:
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

Finally,
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Source: Zita E. Kurtzman-Yenni from Bill Losey's newsletter. Bill publishes Retirement Intelligence, a complimentary weekly e-newsletter that reaches nearly 5,000 subscribers worldwide.  Additionally, he is currently working on his 6th book, Retire In A Weekend! - The Baby Boomers Guide To Making Work Optional, which will be released during the 4th quarter of 2007.

The perks of being over 50

-Your joints are more accurate than a meteorologist.
-There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
-You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
-You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
-You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
-You sing along with elevator music.
-Your eyes won't get much worse.
-Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

The Procrastinator's Creed

Do you procrastinate?  I saw a discussion about procrastination on an email networking site that I belong to which culminated in the following Procrastinator's Creed:

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

I can certainly identify with a few of those... can you?

Which superhero are you most like?

Which superhero are you most like?

I found this little test on Karen Knowler's blog yesterday and couldn't resist having a go.  Apparently, the superhero I most resemble is Superman because I am 'mild-mannered, good, strong and like to help others'.

How about you?  Which superhero do you resemble most?  Scroll down and click on the link at the bottom of this posting to take the test...

My results:

You are Superman

Superman 80% Green Lantern 70% Robin 62% Hulk 60% Batman 55% Supergirl 55% Wonder Woman 45% Catwoman 45% Spider-Man 40% The Flash 40% Iron Man 25%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Lessons I've Learned

Thanks once again to Philip Humbert, his weekly newsletter and his contacts for the following list of Lessons I've Learned:

Larry Katz sent me these gems. Some are familiar, but many are new (at least to me) and they all make me smile. Enjoy! (And, thanks for sending them, Larry! I always appreciate the humor and chuckles folks send my way!)

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

I. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

16. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the length and depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

19. I CAN'T REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!

20. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...